ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
