you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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