I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
