Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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