Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
