Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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