VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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