i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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