Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
