bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
