Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
