she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
