my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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