Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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