so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
