I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
