Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
