I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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