I accidentally burped into my bong.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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