I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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