I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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