I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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