she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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