Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
