whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We need to get me chipped asap
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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