Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
