Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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