I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
