ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
