Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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