its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
