Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
