have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
