you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
