hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How does one acquire holy water?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
