Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
