Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
