i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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