I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
