My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I look better un-naked...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
