I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
