i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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