I wanna bring you to show and tell
my vag is so smooth its legendary
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
