She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
