I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
