Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
