Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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