can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
