How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Never underestimate the power of titties
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