The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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