just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
