Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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