A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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